Blog Post #5
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
Blog Post #8
What does it mean to have a culture of “AND”? What could this (or does this) look like in your school? What part can you play in improving your school’s culture?
I have dealt with unfortunately a handful of students who have lost a parent or a sibling over my Career of 24 years as a teacher and an administrator. As a teacher, checking in with the student and letting them you are thinking about and sorry for their loss along with being their if they need resources. As an administrator checking in with, letting them you are there for them. Arranging for a school counselor check-in for the next couple of months, offering a peace pass ( a pass where it is given by the counselor and the student can show it to the teacher and immediately get to the counselor or other Administrator), and asking the student/parent if they are okay with us letting the students teachers know the student is going through a large loss so they can work with the student as well academically etc. This allows the teachers to be able to connect and be aware of the student struggling so we can offer more supports/resources for the student through this very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteYes I have had this happen more times then I care to count. Right, wrong or otherwise I have handled each situation differently. The number one thing I did NOT do was care about the student getting/completing their school work. Having been in similar situations before the last thing anyone wants to do or cares about is their 6th grade science homework. I try to limit extra stress as much as possible during their trying time.
While I have not had any students lose a parent, sibling etc while they were in my classroom our small school has seen it all from suicide (parent, high school student) to unexpected death (parent) to killing (police officer on duty- grandparent/parent of staff.) Our school has handle each of these tragic events with counseling services, extra support it your classroom (if we needed to step away) time off to grieve, canceling school to attend the funeral etc.
ReplyDeleteAs a former teacher, co-worker etc I offered a hug, my condolences, and an ear to listen. I know how important connection is and will remember in the future to let them talk about their loved one and express themselves through play including coloring, painting, and play dough. I also know that my students view our classroom as safe place and that being here with friends in a predictable routine where they know they are safe may be just what they need.
I fortunately have not had a student deal with a death of a loved one. A few years ago, I had an educational assistant in my classroom that lost her son-in-law to suicide. It was a normal day at school and she got a call that he was gone. I cried with her many times over the next several months. Looking back, there were definitely times when I didn't know what to say or how to act, especially around her grandkids (his children). I didn't want to say the wrong thing and make it harder for them. After reading these chapters, I wish I would've made myself even more open to them. I was more worried about my feelings instead of putting their feelings and needs first.
ReplyDeleteYes, many times. I’ve supported students through all kinds of losses and deaths, including family members, friends, peers, and even pets, and each situation has required a different approach depending on the student and their needs, but all equally included caring, empathy, patience and kindness. I’ve offered a listening ear, helped students process their emotions, connected them with support resources, and checked in with them over time. After reading this chapter about grief, I recognize even more the importance of staying connected, allowing repeated outlets for expression, not trying to fix their pain, and acknowledging their loss openly. I would approach each situation with even greater intentionality, ensuring students know they are seen, heard, and supported throughout their grieving process.
ReplyDeleteYes, this student lost their grandpa whom they were close with. These situations can be tough to deal with right away but it's important to remember that these students aren't looking for the answer to heal their grief, they're just looking for someone they can rely on and cry to. I let this student express everything they felt led to about their grandpa. One counseling tool that I did utilize that I felt like helped was having them reflect on these memories as a tool to manage their grief. Although, one thing I do wish I would've handled differently was making sure they have those same supports and outlets at home, whether that's giving them more skills or ideas of how they can cope or providing them with other outside resources that can be beneficial as they heal.
ReplyDeleteI have not had this happen with a student in my classroom. I feel like I am much better prepared for when this does happen in a classroom now after reading these chapters.. the thing I will take away most is "death end a life, not a relationship" so it is ok to keep talking about the person who has passed.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, yes, I have taught students dealing with loss. Within a 2-3 year time span, I had 2 students dealing with the deaths of their older siblings. One occurrence happened during the time of COVID, so our school was shut down. I didn’t have a meaningful way to connect with the student, which made things seem more awkward when returning to school. I didn’t feel like I could be there for them in the way I needed/wanted to be. There was no connection.
ReplyDeleteLooking back on those experiences, I would have put in more effort to connect with those students in an intentional way. I would have asked more questions, done more check-ins, and provided necessary resources for those students. I would acquire the help of a guidance counselor or professional to not only help the student, but give me strategies as well.
I have not had a student lose a loved one but just had a close friend lose their child to a bus accident. It was one of those situations where the family had so many people attending the memorial and I stood by and watched person after person go up to them and speak their sentiments. I, on the other hand, didn't know what to say so I just went and gave them a hug. Thankfully this chapter reassured me that that may have been enough. Just the connection and physical touch may be all they needed, not another person telling them how to feel. I also took away the fact that we don't have to sugar coat it by saying unnecessary things "like they are in a better place" but that I can go to them and ask for them to "tell me more" and just listen.
ReplyDeletewritten by : Natalie Graumann
DeleteHave you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteYes, We had lost 4 students in one day after the family and parents were shot and burnt in their home. The first things was the school staff had a meeting to discuss a plan. We had surrounding area counselors called in and set up in the school for students. Phone reach was put in place, I believe it expressed what the school was doing. Some parents picked up their kids. We did not teach that day, but let the kids just talk in the classrooms when not with a counselor or went home with family members. If my memory is correct, we had extra counselors in the school for some time and the community youth group set a times for the students.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteWe actually just had a student death recently and I wished I had read this ahead of that so I could have been more prepared. I chose the path to say as little as possible about the situation and I don't think that was as helpful to those grieving as I could be now. I should not have been afraid to mourn with the students. This would help them understand how to grieve and that it is okay to grieve. I didn't carry on with business as usual right away. I allowed space and talked on a surface level of the event but that wasn't as helpful as I could have been. I am learning just as Maya Angelou talked about.
Last year, I had a student whose mother passed away in the middle of second semester. This was a sixth-grade student who I only had in class every other day due to our A/B schedule, so I didn't see her that much after her mother passed. I remember that she took a few weeks off of school, which I understood given the circumstances. The times that I did have her in class, I tried my best to make class the same as it was before the passing of her mom. I approached it this way because that is how I would have wanted my teacher to handle it if I had been in her situation. My grandpa died when I was in high school, and although it wasn't as traumatic as losing a parent, I still remember the day one of my teachers told me that they were sorry to hear about my grandpa literally in front of everyone in the class. I do think it's a disservice to the other students in the class and the student who went through the traumatic event if the teacher does not ensure that all classmates are aware of what happened. This enables the teacher and students to grieve together, and also give the teacher an opportunity to model appropriate behavior and interactions in that scenario. Students need to hear about what happened from a teacher, especially when they're in middle school, because many of them don't know how to act and could say something out of touch.
ReplyDeleteI have had students who have dealt with death in my class on a few occasions as well as had students who have died while attending the school that I teach at. Each student handles grief differently and I have seen it from many different ways. I have seen students who shut down, can't work on anything, or can't make it to school. I have also seen where students are carrying around a lot of angry and snap easily because of the grief. For students who are avoiding, I always just try to check in with them and not push the school work. If they are willing to open up, I also let them know about resources that are available. I will also talk to their counselor to give them a heads up about what has been going on so they can also reach out to these students. For the students who have angry, it can go multiple directions. I had this situation happen at the beginning of the school semester. I talked to the student about the situation and the angry and let them know that I'm here to talk, but also, if they ever just need a break, to take a break and allow themselves to settle and breathe.
ReplyDeleteI have not had a student personally dealing with a death or loss, but one of my former students passed away. I supported the family by being available for phone calls and texts, connecting them with resources, showing up for significant events, sending birthday cards, and even taking the mother out to dinner. After reading this chapter about grief, I feel more equipped to navigate such situations with intentional strategies for supporting families and acknowledging their ongoing process of mourning while maintaining appropriate boundaries for my own well-being.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteWe have had numerous situations in our school with a death of student as well as death of parents. Our school has always brought in outside counselors/pastors for support to our students and staff. Each situation is different and each individual handles it differently. I have always given grace to each individual, seeing what they needed. Each student handles grief differently and should be dealt with differently.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteI have had students who have lost grandparents and great grandparents. The hardest loss I have had to help a student navigate through was the lost of her dad. Not only was she only 6 years old at the time-Her dad was a high school teacher at our school and coach, everyone knew him and loved him. I really think that made the loss harder on all of his own girls because it was personal to a lot of people who knew him personally/professionally. Her sister was in 4th grade at the time and she was in 1st grade both myself and the 4th grade teacher showed up to their house. We brought food, we laughed, we cried, and we sat in silence with their family. Once we were back at school the following week counselors were made available and our local pastors for all students and staff. After reading Jody's chapter I wish I would have said his name to her more often. I was scared to say it so I didn't stir up her emotions it would have helped her feel more comfortable talking about him. Looking back I'm really glad I gave her mom my personal phone number as a rule I never do to my students parents. That year her mom would let me know when she had a rough morning or evening that helped me be more empathetic towards her and understanding. Now I'm teaching her again in 3rd grade and she is doing so well and has so many coping mechanisms and tools from her counselor.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteI have had to deal with a death of loved one for a student. I always let the students know that I am there if they need someone to talk to about it. I allow them to leave class if they would rather go see the counselor. I just try to be as supportive as I can to them. Let them know I am available and that others in the school are available also. Keep checking on them, don't just them try to get through it. You never know what else is going on at home.
YES. Again, I work with students that come from VERY hard homes. Unfortunately, I have had many students lose loved ones, either from death or incarceration. I let them vent, vent and vent. I also let them ask me questions. I also try and tell them stories about my life so I am more relatable. I think you can never learn too much, and reading this chapter on grief just gave me more ideas, but I think I had a pretty good handle on it as is- especially because I teach about grief in health class.
ReplyDeleteI have not had experience with a death and the students. However, this chapter was extremely educating on how to handle the situation. I feel like the advice of "acknowledging the loss" would be the first thing. Letting the students I know they are hurting and that I am here when/if needed.
ReplyDeleteI have had students dealing with the death or loss of a loved one. I handled it quietly. I didn't mention it or bring it up but I gave extra love and attention to the student. I thought that school might give them a place to be busy with other things so I avoided bringing up the loss. I would handle it differently now. I would let the student know I am aware of their loss and I will give them opportunities to talk about, draw about and write about the person and how they are feeling. I will seek a connection with that student and check in with their loved ones as well.
ReplyDeleteI have dealt with a student(s) who lost a loved one and/or a pet. I always made sure to comfort them and to let them know that I was there for them. Most of the time, in talking with the student, I would find out that the experience wasn't new, but rather one that happened awhie ago. Regardless, it had an impact on them and they needed someone to listen to them. After reading the chapter(s), I would have handled things differently. At the time, I was uncomfortable and didn't really know how to act or what to say. My conversation with them was short with a small hug, that I walked away from not feeling like I handled it well. Now if it were to happen, which it will eventually, I will take more time with the child to just be with them and allow them to talk their feelings out. I would try and form a connection to let them know that I am always there for them.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, I actually had a little girl that passed away from a brain tumor that was in my class. She passed away in March of that year. Her attendance obviously got less and less, but my students were very aware of what she was dealing with. I still remember the morning that I sat them down and explained that she was no longer here, but in heaven. It was one of the hardest things that I have had to do as an educator. I let them ask any questions that they wanted. I didn't have the answers to all of them. But after reading about grief, I didn't have to have those answers. I just needed to be there for them, giving them a connection.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteYes, I have had a couple of my students in my classroom whose father passed away a few years ago. He was also the German Teacher for the younger students at the colony. The death of the father seemed to have a bigger impact on the young man in my classroom. He really struggled with his behavior in the classroom as well as outside of the classroom. I worked closely with the family (mom, 2 older brothers and an older sister) on things that went on at school. I brought up the idea of a counselor but that was not a suggestion they wanted to hear. They wanted to take care of this themselves at the colony. It was a year of ups and downs with more struggles but we did make it through. I did find out that lots of patience and time for him was needed.
I had a student who lost a parent to cancer. While I told the student they could leave the class whenever they wanted and assured them that I would accommodate anything they needed, I never did talk to the student about what had happened. After reading this book, I would have told them what I remembered and liked about the student's father (I knew him). I would have tried to have a conversation remembering the life and impact of his father and kind of sweeping it under the rug. While I let the student know that I sympathized with him and wanted to help, I could have done more to connect and talk about the event in an appropriate way. I tend to have a hard time discussing things of this nature. Books like this can provide good information to help me handle such difficult situations in the future.
ReplyDeleteI have dealt with a few deaths and it is never easy. It is probably the hardest part of my job. I have a student right now who is a junior and lost her dad in a farm accident. I really worked closely with the family and her. Asked if there was anything I could do for her or her family. We have talked a little bit about the accident. She is very reserved and a great kid. I see her everyday in school and it has been about a year since the accident and she knows she can always come and talk to me and she has a few times. The anniversary of the accident was tough but she is getting more involved in activities at school and she has some great friends and other teachers know the situation and have been very helpful.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteYes, unfortunately we have had four students this semester that have all lost a parent. Always checking in with them and in the past I have done grief small groups as well to help them open up as well as work through what grief might look like for them. I tell them my door is always open and they can stop in and take a breather or talk if needed. Death is a tough topic and showing empathy and being someone that they can confide in I think is the most important. Everyone is going to handle things differently and we want them to be able to work through it.
Yes, I have had many students in my 29 years of education who have had to deal with grief. Unfortunately, because I hadn’t lost anyone close, until last October when my father passed away, I didn’t know how to communicate with these students.
ReplyDeleteI’m a fixer and grief is something you cannot fix. I’m so glad I decided to complete this book study and explore the strategies for handling grief-seeing that I did not know how to do it before. I look at grief differently now and as I move forward in my life and in teaching, I feel “more equipped" to help students who are experiencing loss in their lives. I was the one who overused the term “at least,” even with my own father’s passing-”At least I got 53 years with him.”
One thing I’ve always told myself when I’m struggling with something is that I’m not alone-there are others in the world who have gone through what I’m going through-this has helped me feel less alone I must admit. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for your loss, at least they are in a better place now-not in pain,” I will move forward letting my students know that I acknowledge their loss, allow outlets like drawing or writing to their loved ones, and use words like, “tell me more,” when engaging with students who are dealing with loss. It’s also okay to say the name of the one you miss so much, after all, their presence is gone, not the relationship.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteI haven't had students experience death or loss during my teaching career. We do currently have a student in 4th grade who is fighting cancer and was just diagnosed in November. Our community is pretty shaken by it and at first it was pretty hard to talk about. This chapter definitely made me realize the importance of acknowledgement and not being afraid to talk about it. If a student every does experience loss, this will be one of the strategies that I utilize. I always thought it was actually better not to talk about it, but it was reassuring to learn that it helps.
I have not had a student that I serve experience a death or loss of a parent. I did service on a crisis team when I was with the AEA and unfortunately had to help when there was a death of a student in the district I served. One of the biggest pieces of advice the other members on the crisis team were able to give me was to be a listening hear. The most important thing in that time was to provide the listening hear so they knew it was a safe space and someone was there to listen. This also ties back to the book and how it talks about it is more important there is the connection than the "right words" to say. Too many times as educators we want to talk and "fix" what is happening but I hope I can always remember the importance around being present/connection than saying those "right" words.
ReplyDeleteI’ve had students lose family members, and my usual move was to offer extended deadlines or let them step into the hall if they got overwhelmed. I focused on making sure the schoolwork didn't add to their stress.
ReplyDeleteLooking at this through the lens of acknowledgment, I'd change how I show up for them. Instead of just adjusting the workload, I’d be more intentional about the small, daily interactions. A quick nod at the door or a quiet check-in at their desk can make a huge difference. It’s about making sure they feel seen and supported as a person, rather than just letting them drift through the day unnoticed while they're hurting.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteYes, I have had multiple students that have let me know they have lost someone special to them. I take time to talk and process with them. I remind them that I am here for them and check in with them.
However, I have never talked about it with the class or offered a script. I am very thankful the author chose to include this chapter in her book. There are many things I will take away from this chapter and apply in the future. Grief is such a complicated conversation and it is wonderful she included insights on how to approach this in the classroom.
I also appreciated her insights on the difference between grief and mourning. As well as her comments about the end of a life not of a relationship.
Have you ever had a student dealing with the death or loss of a loved one? How did you handle it? Would you have handled it differently after reading this chapter about grief?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I have dealt with students losing a parent 3 times in the last 4 years. One year held the loss of two dads. In each of these two scenarios, they were both very private about it, but one asked me to brief the class about her dad's death. The other student didn't want any mention of it at all. The year prior, a boy's mom died and he was very open about it. He sat with me in the circle while I told the class about it. He shared a little, cried and his peers were incredibly gracious. Many cried along with him. Some offered kind words and some asked a few questions, which I was nervous about, but they were gentle questions and those he didn't feel like he could answer I helped.
I have worked in other settings where there have been experiences with grief (not all resulting from a death) and I have learned so much from others about how to respond. What it has all boiled down to in these situations is just making it clear that I was there. There to listen or do whatever they needed me to do (or not do). These experiences reinforced for me how important it is to have established relationships with my students. It really sets the tone for my ability to be there for a child in the many different types of situations that arise.
Yes, I have had students and players on my team experience the loss of a loved one during the school year. In those situations, my first response has been to show support, give them space, and let them know I am there for them if they need anything. I also try to keep routines as consistent as possible in the classroom and at practice, while being flexible with expectations like assignments, participation, or attendance.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this chapter on grief, I would be more intentional in how I approach those moments. I realize I often leaned toward trying to “fix” things or make them easier for the student, but the chapter emphasizes that connection is what matters most, not fixing the problem. I would be more direct in acknowledging the loss, more willing to sit in the discomfort with them, and more consistent with ongoing check-ins instead of a single conversation.
I would also be more thoughtful about involving their support system and helping classmates or teammates know how to respond appropriately. Overall, it reinforces for me that my role is not to take away the grief, but to stay connected and present as they move through it.
I hope students learn that relationships are the foundation of everything. Long after they forget how to do the math problems or the dates in history, they will remember the person who made them feel capable. In the classroom, our character speaks louder than our curriculum. We aren't just teaching our students; we are showing our students what it looks like to be a person. It is important to form bonds with them. I get to form some deep bonds with my students as I have them for four years in a row and get to know them and their families very well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was teaching 5th grade my second year as a teacher, I had a student lose her mother. Her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer the summer before starting her 5th grade year. Her mother had attended the first set of parent-teacher conferences but by Christmas her mother had passed away. It was such as sad time. As you can imagine, this student did miss a lot of school so when she was in school, we tried to keep school as normal as possible per her mother's request but after reading this past chapter, I wish that we would have done more. I did attend the funeral, and I did tell her if there was ever a time that she wanted to talk about her mom that I would love to hear about her but again, I wish I would have done more for her.
ReplyDelete